“Toxic” by Britney Spears – Once upon a pop star: Britney’s gone through her ups and downs, and she’s never been known for virtuosic qualities as a singer. Although she proves herself a terrible stewardess in the music video (did those passengers ever get their peanuts and plastic cups of diet coke?), she nonetheless succeeds in making the perfect guilty pleasure song.
“The First Time We Fall In Love” by The Kinks – Anyone who has ever fallen love understands the devastating force of falling out of love, outlined by The Kinks as the inevitable follow-up. You’d expect such subject matter to crush you once again, but The Kinks' playfully melodramatic delivery only warms an icy heart.
“Bumble Bees” by Aqua – Danish-Norwegian and shamelessly radiating the 1990’s, Aqua made dance-pop that cemented my youth. Unwilling to completely abandon a piece of my past, I inexplicably revel in the fact that the dirtiness of lyrics like “Bumble bee, bump into me/ I am in for pollination…I’m in need for your donation” is masked by cutesy Eurodance electronic pop and entomological analogies.
“Spread” by Outkast – Outkast isn’t talking about buttering toast. Not literally, anyway. Ideas like “Don’t want to come on too strong/ But I’ll play in you all day long” could theoretically send every classy, self-respecting girl running to the nearest chastity belt outlet store, or at least provoke an ethically based scoff. Luckily, the clever cheekiness of the lyrics overshadows grody undertones. Plus, no one could blend a more effective mixture of electric organ, trumpet, and unzipping noises than Andre 3000 and the gang.
“Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang – Not surprisingly, another song on this list is both from my youth and blatantly sexual. “Bad Touch” doesn’t quite make the iPod cut anymore, but I still have a fondness for the four and half minutes of clever sex-related puns and metaphors.
“Eyeball Skeleton” by Eyeball Skeleton – Two little kids and their dad start a band at home, singing the material written by said children: the very idea holds the potential to release an audio plague upon the land’s innocent listeners. Unfortunately, I have been infected ever since hearing it on the radio, and I love to yell obnoxiously along with the kids and to draw my interpretation of the Eyeball Skeleton. I must admit that the cheap drum machine and the quirky little guitar riffs provide a background for yelling that’s almost as cute as the home-drawn cover art.
“Mama Look A Boo Boo” by Harry Belafonte – This song is proof that anything cushioned by a calypso beat is mercilessly pleasant. Utterly despairing lyrics like “I wonder why nobody don’t like me/ Or is it because I’m ugly?” seem almost inspirational when sung by Harry Belafonte, best known for "Jump In the Line" as featured in Beetlejuice.
“At Last” by Etta James – Etta James is a whole lotta woman, and there is nothing wrong with her earthy, sensuous performance of this classic love song. However, there is something wrong with me: after listening once, I can’t prevent myself from singing my own painful interpretation over the next few weeks every time I feel womanly.
“Tiger Phone Card” by Dengue Fever – Dengue Fever makes music that is both catchy and melodically rich, with a Cambodian twist. The only negative aspect of this song is the power it holds over me. Whenever I listen to it, I get the dangerous urge to do psychedelic dances on my bed wearing panties and a t-shirt, imagining my room with shag carpeting and paisley wallpaper.
“Funky Town” by Lipps, Inc. – OK, so this song has no musical motivation. Someone ordered a watered-down two minutes of disco, perhaps to motivate dancers to leave the club at closing time. Or the frustrating repetition of the meaningless lyrics was designed for teaching English to glamorous pet parakeets. Regardless, it still makes me dance, and it also reminds the comatose blonde in the hilarious movie Brain Candy. Someday I will make it to Funky Town, and my days will be spent in funky, funky bliss.
That's enough for this week. Enjoy, but use these songs with extreme caution.
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