No, I don't normally get off to any of the songs I'm about to share with you, but they were some of the rocks to the head I've taken during my musical journey in life. I had to narrow it down to seven highlights of stupidity in song. And there are many examples I didn't include because they just would quite cut it, such as the countless works of Andy Milonakis – making dumb raps is all he does anyway. Some songs that didn't end up here were stupid but too innocent to be fully foolish like 'Badgers', 'Burger King Christmas Carrol', and 'Space People'. There were some songs that I thought were trash, but weren't quite there, like 'Hyseteria' by Cerrone. Even songs like 'Crank Dat' achieve a lot more than ones I'm about to show you – I don't care if you disagree. I've kept you waiting long enough. Let the bad trip begin.
'I Am NOT My Hair' by India Arie featuring Akon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZd1KeZhjfU
India Arie is known for keeping it real in her songs, but sometimes she keeps it a little bit too real. Man, her latest album (this song is from the one preceding it), it really crossed over into lectures done in song. Ok, this message may connect more with you, if you have nappy hair - aka it's a black subject. I'm not black, but I guess I could still wish for better hair. So what? Could you imagine anybody grooving to this song like “YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!” And what is the Akon you hear at the top of the charts doing talking about how his hair is all garbage?! This was when he was already big. Some balls he's got, but I don't think he wants to get too into it, judging by the line “Yes, India I feel you girl. Now go ahead, talk to the rest of the world.”
The 80's Wendy's 'Grill Skills' rap. This one teaches you how to prepare food at a Wendy's kitchen. Sorry it cuts off, but the last word is “hot!” Good ending.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KIdTPS6LH4
But here is part TWO! The beat doesn't kick until over 2 minutes in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2mWxFAndxg
Just remember the rap, and you'll get it down pat, white boy. Anyway, like one commenter noticed, “This is why corporate video production died out as an 'art form' “.
-
El Chombo – Chacarron Macarron. This guy is from Panama, but most of the song is not in some form of Panamese.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njrmL1y3ul8
He just mumbled into his recorder in place of the verses and the production crew loved it. Songs like this catch on pretty well, and you may love it, as did I, but it got old immediately. I'm sure there are a lot of other raggaeton songs that are bring out the stupid in us, but I don't care to look for them all. Ok, 'Tra Tra' by Don Chezina is another one, but I'm not even putting it on the list.
Alright, so you may have noticed that the performers were black so far, but the bottom four I'm pretty sure aren't. Just saying...
The next one isn't even a “real” song, but it's an internet song so why not. I don't know how I found this one, it was a long time ago. Sing this when you're wasted, and it'll become your anthem. Also, I think the video ruins it. Here is 'Inspector Urine' by Taco the Wonder Dog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRS5_TgjpI
I didn't watch Inspector Gadget as a kid, so it had to be my friends who told me this sounds like the main theme when I played it to them. This was years ago...
This song is real though. It's at the crude heart of the Brazilian Baile Funk – which is itself their degenerate form of hip-hop. But that's just my opinion. They say you either love Baile Funk or you hate it. Créu is some slang word that's got some kind of sex meaning as you'll be able to see. The beat is sick though – and you can dance to it. That's why it's been really popular in Brazil. Mc créu - 'Dança do Créu'. You'll be hearing a lot more créu's than that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4f78FSSgHk
In case you couldn't make it past half the video, that's when he brings out his ladies who show you how it's really done.
Oh boy, how bad could it be by now? There was a tie for second place between two internet songs and both under two minutes. I think I like the Blink 182 version of the first one better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OdbCLfXUV4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wR3Q9k312xE
Studies show that your IQ will drop by a few points every time you listen, and more if you watch. Don't worry, you'll gain it back if you try more intelligent material.
After all that, what could possibly be number one? It's another internet song, surprise! This one surpasses the retardation that the sister songs at number 2 invoke, just because it's too weird, and has no beat. You can at least do DDR to each of the above, and it's been done as I spotted in related videos. But this one - it has nothing whatsoever. It's just short and to the point. At least the ending is powerful. If you've had a nightmare after seeing a wax sculpted girl chupacabra on the internet, you might wanna shy away from this 30 second special...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEIGk2VfPvE
Why did I waste your time...
Whatever the case, don't put me down as someone you'll never read on this blog again. I'll come back next time with a post that's a little more worthwhile. I gotta get some air after this. My head hurts.
If yours does too, find out how indie you are for a good break.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f-dKaa4ucs
More instructional work videos should be performed as rap songs. It would raise work ethic.
ReplyDelete